Good-bye 2012

Today is December 31st.  The end of the year, the closing of another chapter in my life.  Today is also my birthday, so while it is the end, it is also the beginning.  I often think that I am so much more sentimental on this day then most people.  It's probably because it's the day I turn a year older.  Couple that with the fact that the year is ending and we are opening a brand new chapter shortly, the magnitude of it all just seems to hit hard.

This is what Jason and the kids gave me for my birthday.  It's beautiful and I cannot wait to hang it somewhere.  I have a wall of crosses but I think I'm going to hang this one somewhere else.  Maybe I'll hang it in my bathroom.  Not really sure yet what I'm going to do with it.

Jason and I went to Plano today and picked up some things from the AdvoCare Distribution Center.  We are planning to hit the AdvoCare scene hard this year.  We are wanting to build our team and reap the benefits of pouring into others.  I'm excited about the possibilities.  It means a lot of hard work but I know we can do it if we just apply ourselves.  If we quit making excuses and start pushing ourselves forward, the only limits we will know are the ones we place on ourselves.

The whole family also went out to eat today.  We are getting back into the groove after the first.  I'm starting my 2nd 24 Day Challenge and Jason and myself are both entering the AdvoCare Transformation Contest.  That means back to work in all kinds of ways.

I'm still not extremely optimistic about 2013.  I'm working on changing that attitude, mostly through prayer and reading my Bible.  I'm spending 2013 in rebuilding myself, redefining myself. My plan is to tear down some old walls and put in some windows to let the Son shine in.  My plan is to step outside of myself.  To put myself out there for others to see.  My plan is to step outside of the box and feel the warmth of the Son on my soul.

Lost

No. . .not as in the TV show but as in literally LOST.  Wandering around with no direction, no plan, no idea how to get from where I am to where I really want to be.  I am LOST.  I find myself coming back to the same spot over and over.  I find myself thinking "I've already been here before."  I find myself making progress and then taking the wrong turn that puts me right back into the same place I was before.  I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this web.  The problem with webs is that they are sticky and they are meant to trap you and keep you in place.  The more you fight the tighter you become ensnared.

I've never really been very big about New Year's resolutions.  What's the point of making them?  By the end of January, every single one of them has already been broken and has already fallen to the side.  They become a huge reminder of my inability to stick by my commitments and my inability to follow through and see something through to the finish.  I quit.  I'm a quitter.  I can easily admit that but how do I correct the situation and turn quitting into finishing.  This is the big question for myself.

I look at 2013 with much anticipation.  The problem is that what I anticipate is sorrow and sadness and heart-brokeness (I made this word up).  I see a year of great loss for myself.  I anticipate that two of my most loved people in the world will leave me this year.  Death. . .I anticipate you on my families doorstep twice this year.  This is such an ugly thought and I hate to have these thoughts but. . .it is the truth.  My Grandfather and my Dad are both in that place, not really living, but not really dead.  I think, "What little faith I have." but what kind of life do they have?  Pa, stays in the nursing home, most days not aware.  He has glimmers of recognition but his life now is more about quantity than quality.  Dad's cancer is not progressing at this time.  I'm very grateful for that but at the same time his memory has significantly faded.  He cannot recall people's names or even remember how to do somethings that he did on almost a daily basis before.  His steps are small and shuffling.  He spends most of his days asleep.  He is quite the shadow of the man he used to be.  My heart breaks at the thought of losing both of these men but at the same time, I hate to see them where they are right now.

I'm looking for a map.  I'm looking for a guide to get me through 2013.  I'm looking for answers.  As I sit here and type this, the answers that come all lead me to the same thoughts and conclusions.  I will continue to turn to the Lord for strength.  I will continue to turn to the Bible for the map and the directions to where I should go.  I will continue to fall to my knees in Prayer and ask God to show me the way and to have the strength to take the steps to move forward.

Book Review: Kisses from Katie

". . . people who make a difference in the world:  They hold the unshakeable conviction that individuals are extremely important, that every life matters. . .They aren't determined to revolutionize the world all at once; they're satisfied with small changes.  Over time, though, the small changes add up. . .They teach small lessons that can bring incremental improvement to one man or woman, boy or girl.  They don't do anything to call attention to themselves, they simply pay attention to the everyday needs of others, even if it's only one person."

What an amazing story!  I read this book in about 2 evenings.  Once I started I could not put it down.  I was amazed by the strength, courage and faith of this child.  Yes, I call her a child.  She started this journey fresh out of high school.  While most individuals, fresh out of high school would read this and balk at the idea of being called a child, compared to myself, at the age of 41, she was a child when she embarked on this journey.

I remember my days fresh out of high school, never in a million years would I have dreamed of taking a year of my life and moving to Uganda to work as a missionary or, after that year was up, continue to stay and live my life so far away.  Even now typing it, I think that it is something I could never allow my daughter to do.  To be so far away, alone in a country so poor.

This story is about FAITH and TRUST in the Lord.  It is about how much change can come about if one just BELIEVES in God and ASKS for his help.  This is such a wonderful story for anyone and everyone to read about the great things God can do if you only ask him.

To learn more about Katie and the amazing things she is doing in Uganda, check out the links below:

http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/
http://www.amazima.org/

Amanda Elizabeth

The last two days have been hard. Monday started off great but a few hours into my day and my Mom called to say that she was keeping my nephew and that my youngest Sister was headed to the hospital. She was 20 weeks pregnant and thought she was in labor. It turned out that she was not in labor, but that her appendix had ruptured on Saturday and that she had a massive infection. My sister had emergency surgery to remove her appendix and to clean up as much of the infection as they could. They started her on some powerful antibiotics and at 12:21 pm on Tuesday my neice was born. Elizabeth Amanda weighed 10 ozs and was 10 inches long. She managed to live in this cruel world for 30 minutes surrounded in the loving arms of her parents before going to heaven to be with her Aunt Liz (her namesake) and her Great Grandparents.

I never knew you. . .but I have loved you deeply!

Sunday, Sweet, Sunday

I LOVE Sundays and everything they represent.  Starting my day off with God and my Family is always the highlight of each and every Sunday.  Having the opportunity to praise God for all the wonderful gifts he has bestowed upon me and the opportunity to pray for strength and humility.  The opportunity to pray for our world leaders.

This Sunday there was a Call2Fall upon our knees in humble prayer before the Lord in order to seek repentance and ask forgiveness and healing for our land.

Prayer is a powerful thing.  I've seen first hand what prayer can do.  I ask that each of you join me in praying for the United States of America, our Home, our Country.  Pray that we, as a nation, return to the ways of our forefathers and put God back into our lives - ". . .one nation, under God, indivisible, for liberty and justice for all."

Half-Way

We are half way through the 2012 year.  It's hard for me to believe.  Where does the time go?  The second half of the year always seems to move so much faster than the first half of the year.  I just blinked once and was transported from January 1st to June 30th.  I hate to think how fast the second half of the year is going to go by.

There are so many big things happening over the next six months.

• Hayden is going to Philmont, hiking with the Boy Scouts
• Ryan and Makenna each turn a year older and School starts back
• High School Football
• My trip to Haiti
• Thanksgiving
• Christmas

These are the things that just pop into my head.  If I were to pull out my calendar there would be a list of things that is about 3 times longer.

I'm looking forward to the 2nd half of this year.  I'm anticipating many good and wonderful things that God has in store for us!

FAITH and the Power of Prayer

My Mom called today.  My Dad had a visit with Dr. Black, one of the docs following him for the lung cancer.  The broncoscopy that was completed on June 20th came back with all negative tissue samples.  Dr. Black decided to repeat the chest x-ray.  The chest x-ray revealed that the mass was much smaller.  Dr. Black feels that maybe they made a mistake and what they were actually seeing was some sort of lung infection.  Regardless, they are going to take a wait and see approach.  My Dad will have another chest x-ray in August and we will move forward from there.

Thanks to all of you for your words of encouragement and your prayers.  God is Good!  We only need to have Faith that he will take care of us according to HIS plan.

Everything and Nothing from Essex: Spaghetti Strip

Everything and Nothing from Essex: Spaghetti Strip: brought to you by the self-feeding experts, Chubbs and Carter

This is one of the Blogs that I subscribe to.  I wanted to share this because it made me smile.  I spend the better part of my days working with children who have difficulty with feeding and eating.  These difficulties are from a multitude of reasons.  However, regardless of the reason, my main priority is for my babies to enjoy food from every perspective.

Today's Blog from Everything and Nothing from Essex is priceless!

myLIFEspeaks

My LIFE Speaks is a wonderful organization working to make a difference in Haiti.  The following information comes directily off of their website.

Vision Statement

myLIFEspeaks exists to speak up for those around the world who can’t speak for themselves by bringing LIFE-giving aid to orphans with and without special needs and showing all people around the globe their worth. This will happen by allowing orphans with special needs and typical orphans the opportunity to grow up together in the same family environment. When complete, myLIFEspeaks efforts in Haiti will include a campus with orphan housing, community center, medical center, and more.

Mission Statement

myLIFEspeaks exists to SPEAK UP for those who can’t SPEAK for themselves while allowing people in the United States and around the globe the opportunity to be a part of something BIGGER than themselves.

Outline of Problem

With a population of over 9 million, Haiti is the poorest country in the western hemisphere. Haiti currently has almost 500,000 orphans. Recent estimates have indicated over 50% of the population is under the age of 15; 80% of the country is unemployed; and almost 50% are illiterate. In a society with such staggering poverty, children with special needs are often overlooked completely. myLIFEspeaks seeks to provide the best quality of LIFE possible to orphans with and without special needs through providing safe housing, quality education, and the best possible medical care in a campus setting.

I also want you to Meet the Kings.  They are a wonderful family who are part of the the myLIFEspeaks Organization.  The Kings will be moving to Haiti to be a Family for the children of Haiti.

In October of this year, I am planning on going to Haiti with the King Family as part of a Medical Mission Group.  Please pray for the children of Haiti, the King Family, and those of us who are preparing to embark on this trip.

You'll see more about Haiti in the upcoming months.  Lots of planning and preparing in the months ahead.   I'm very excited about this opportunity and for what God has planned!

Let's Go Scouting. . . (part 1)

I LOVE Scouting and everything that it represents, be it Boy Scouts, Cub Scouts or Girl Scouts.  All three of my children are involved in Scouting.

Makenna is a Brownie in Girl Scouts.  Today she participated in archery.  They have an archery program at her school.  I've been trying to convice her to try archery.  Each time I bring it up, she just walks away with no interest.  I was excited to see this picture of her today.  Not that I think she has suddenly changed her mind and wants to participate in archery.  But, I'm thrilled to see her stepping out of her comfort zone and trying something that is not all frills and lace and Barbie dolls.





I Love everything that Girl Scouts has to offer and teach Makenna about the world, from respect for herself and her peers to respect for the country that she lives in.  Girl Scouting is a powerful program that has the opportunity to make such a huge impact on the lives of so many young girls and future women of America.





This year is the 100th Anniversary of Girl Scouting in America.  Makenna has had the opportunity to be a part of many wonderful activities this year from Tea Parties to Un-Birthday Parties, this has been a year of celebration.  Next summer, Makenna and her troop are going to Savannah, Georgia to visit the home of Juliet Low, the founder of Girl Scouts.

If you have young girls that are entering kindergarten or older and are interested in learning more about Girl Scouts check out the the Girl Scout website. 

More to come at a later date about my boys and their involvement with Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts.

Just Another Day

Today was a typical day.  Lots of planning and organization for the five of us so that we can each get to all the places we needed to be throughout the day.  Makenna has Girl Scout Day Camp this week.  She was so excited this morning as she prepared to leave with her Daddy to catch her ride.  She was extremely tired this afternoon.  She was asleep by 7:00 pm and she did not eat dinner.  Twice we tried to wake her up but she was so disoriented, we just put her back to bed.

Hayden and I juiced some blueberries and some strawberries and ate them over some pound cake with a little cool whip.  Let me just say for the record, I love my juicer.  It's been one of the best investments I've made.

RJ is hanging out with his friends across the street for the second night in a row.  Moving to town has been a huge blessing for him.  He very seldom is in the house.  He's always out hanging with his friends.

I talked with my Mom this evening.  All the lung tissue samples came back negative for cancer.  The Doctor says the cancer is in there, they just can't seem to get a sample of it.  Still looking for treatment options.  The Doctor is going to present Daddy as part of a case study to a group of Doctors to look at treatment options.  Daddy finished his Chemo and he has one more day of Radiation.  Then he has 4 weeks of rest followed by more tests and then more decisions about what to do next regarding his brain cancer.

Please continue to pray for my Dad.  Pray for strength.  Pray for comfort.  Pray for God's will to be done.

The Grass is Greener. . .

I was on Facebook a few days ago and I read a post that caused a slight twinge of jealousy raise it's ugly head in myself.  I'm not accoustomed to feeling jealous.  My life, though far from perfect, is good, I have no reasons to be jealous of anyone or anything.  This jealousy thing caused me quite a bit of concern and I went desperately searching for a way to resolve this conflict within myself.

The answer came in a "pin" that I came upon on Pintrest.  "The grass is greener where you water it" - Neil Barringham. 

God speaks so subtly, that many times we miss the answers we are looking for because we do not pay attention.  God was letting me know that I need to "water", cultivate, and grow my own "grass".  If I want a better relationship with God, I need to pray more and read his words more diligently.  If I want a better relationship with my husband, I need to spend more time cultivating that garden.  If I want a better relationship with my children, I need to spend more time fertilizing their soil and pruning their weeds.  By paying attention to my "yard", I don't have time to worry about what my neighbors are doing in their "yards" thus having no need to be jealous.

Today I pulled out the water hose and got to watering. . .

Jesus Says. . .

Today during the Children's Message at FUMC, Mateo talked to the children using a comparison to the game Simon Says.  In order to win the game Simon Says, one must complete all the activities that "Simon says" to complete.  In order to "win" a Heavenly prize, we must follow the commands of Jesus Christ. 

Jesus says. . ."You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." (Matthew 22:37) 

Jesus says. . ."You shall love your neighbor as yourself."  (Matthew 22:39)

This is a personal challenge that I accept this week, as I strive to do as Jesus Says. . .

______________________________________________________________

On another note, I did something new a different everyday over this weekend.  Friday, I went to the Relay for Life, as I already posted. 

Saturday, I went with my two Sister-in-Laws to Sugar Ridge Winery.  We went for a jewelry party.  I had a nice time.  I don't spend much time out or away from my hubby and children.  This was a nice change of pace. 

Today, Sunday, I made an Apple Crisp.  My apple crisp turned out very runny, not very crisp, but it tasted really good.  Jason had bought a bag of apples but did not like the way they tasted and I did not want them to be wasted so I found this recipe.

Relay for Life



This evening I had the opportunity to experience something I've never done before.  I went and checked out the Relay for Life.  I've heard of the Relay for Life, but honestly, it's not something I've ever done before.  I've donated to the Relay for Life, but have never been an active participant.  My sisters, Kim and Caren, have been a part of the Relay for Life for a few years now, but not me.  My dad and his brother, Johnny, were both walking the Survivor lap this year.  I wanted to go and be supportive.  Unfortunately, my work schedule and Ryan's baseball schedule interferred and I did not get to the field in time to see them walk.  As I was walking around, looking for my family, I was amazed by the sheer numbers of people who were there and the flurry of activity.  Many people had on purple Survivor shirts and they were surrounded and supported by many others who were just there to raise awareness and money for Cancer research.



One of my co-workers sent me an email a few weeks back.  It said ".... I understand what it is like to go thru all of this. It is very scary and just know that some days will be good and other days wont.   Cancer is a family disease. The whole family experiences it and has to all grieve. . ."  Her husband is a cancer Survivor and she is so right.  Cancer is a family disease.  Everyone is affected in one way or another.

I might have missed the Survivor lap, but I was able to catch up with my family for a few moments.  It was an uplifting experience watching the love and support of the community as they banded together against cancer.

Next year, you'll find me an active participant among the throngs of people, taking a stand against cancer.

NFL Draft

My oldest son, Hayden, is all about football.  He dreams of going to college on a football scholarship and then one day playing in the NFL.  Jason and I both spend quite a bit of time encouraging that dream all the while reminding him of the hard work that it entails both on and off the field and in and out of the classroom.

Hayden wanted to watch the NFL Draft.  The first round was televised this evening.  We all sat down and watched as one by one 32 young men were selected to play by various teams across the NFL.  It was interesting to watch and it got me to thinking. . .

If getting into Heaven was a draft, would my actions and efforts here on Earth be enough for me to make it in the first round?  Am I focusing my efforts on God's work or man's work?  Am I developing and using the skills that would put me on God's Team?

Everyday is a new game, a new opportunity to prove my Heavenly worth.  Everyday I have the opportunity to reach out and touch someone, to be the hand of God.  I pray that my actions and my words allow me to be reflection of God upon the world.  I pray that on draft day, I am called to Heaven in the first round!  I pray that you all come with me!

Holding My Breath. . .

I realized today that I've been holding my breath for the last two weeks.  I've literally put my life on hold while I waited to see what was going to happen.  I realize that it's probably a very natural response.  When someone you love and cherish is going through something as awful as cancer, you find yourself waiting for some scrap of information about what the future holds and while you are waiting, time is slipping by and moving on without you.

God has been calling me.  Calling me to fulfill some very specific tasks and I've put God on hold because I've been waiting for a few answers about my Dad.  Specifically, I wanted to know how much time. . .

Today Doctor Melguizo basically said "I don't know."  When we pressed on he said - statistically, the median time with this type of brain cancer is 18 to 24 months.  About 10% or so live even longer.  We have to wait and see Dad's response to the treatments.  Only time will tell.

Wow!  As I type this, I'm at a loss for words.  What would we do with our time if we knew we only had 18 to 24 months?  I'm so grateful for the knowledge.  Had I known that I had only 18 to 24 months with my sister Liz, I would have done things much differently.  Not just differently with Liz, but differently for me too.  I've been thinking about priorities and changes that I would like to make.  Changes that make my life more about God and his plan for me and my family.

It's time to stop holding my breath, time to start breathing, time to start living and carrying out the plans that God is calling me to do. . .

Testify!

I wanted to share the following.  Mainly because I really do not ever want to forget this.  I have never been more proud of my husband than when I read this.  He posted this on his facebook page.  I copied and pasted it here for others to read.  My husband is an amazing man the a contagious laugh.  I love nothing more than to hear him laugh.  This is his Testimony and I wanted to share it with all of you.

God Speaks To Us All
By Jason Mahone

God speaks to us all. The question is...will you take the time to listen?

It was around this time two years ago when God was speaking to me. He wasn't just sending subtle little hints either, he was using a bull horn and flashing lights. He was speaking to me thru Boo. Those of you that really know me know that all my life I've been an angry bitter person towards the world. It was to the point that nothing could go right, and nobody could do anything right. I hated the world and I even stopped believing in God. Questioning and doubting everything about Him. It didn't help matters much three years ago when Liz passed away . The night that she passed away I was only thirty minutes away picking up a bobcat I just purchased. If I hadn't have been so selfish and just wanting to get back home, I could have took the time to go by and stay the night and get rested up for the long drive the next morning, and just maybe she would still be with us today. The next night we were awakened by a Deputy Sheriff, and my wife was notified that she has just lost her sister, her best friend. Our world was rocked. My faith all but shut out of my life. I think Shell still had faith, but my questions and doubts was rubbing off on her and passing down to my kids. I started to see the young man, no wait, the punk Boo was turning into. I couldn't believe that my baby boy could have such an attitude and talk the way he was talking. Where did he get all that from? How could he get that way at such an early age? And then one morning after we had a confrontation, I was brushing my teeth and looking in the mirror, and I saw the person he was becoming. I was terrified, and yet again angry, but this time I was angry at myself. What have I done? Why would a father let this happen to his son? It was then and there that I knew I had to change. So I went to him that evening and what did I do? I told him to pick a Church that he wanted to go to because he had to change his attitude. WHAT? REALLY? I didn't realize it until now that I was making him believe that all this was his fault. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! What I should of said was that I needed to change and that I needed his help.

That next Sunday we went to our First service at First United Methodist Church. Boo had some friends there and Shell and I knew a few people also. I really didn't know what to expect, but I did know that I didn't want to go to that second service, all they do is sing the whole service. The people at the church welcomed us with open arms. Treated us like a family from day one. We felt like we really belonged. We were going there for a few weeks when I could really start to feel the Preacher talking to me. You could just feel the passion in his sermons. A couple of weeks later we joined the Church and rekindled our fire with Christ. Not only did we get a powerful pastor in Keith, but we got a powerful Youth Minister for Boo. Mateo's love for Christ and the kids is unmatched by any other. We probably don't tell him enough how important he is in our lives. We could really see the positive impact Mateo and friends were having on Boo's life, and the babies loved going to Sunday School also. Shell and I would go to the first service, send the kids to Sunday School, and then we were off to get breakfast. Then again setting a great example for our kids. Right? Shell was interested in finding out more about being a Methodist, and Rev. Murray started a class on the History of it. That was our next step in being a part of the family. We really were starting to feel a sense of belonging at this point. We were starting new relationships with people that we knew but didn't really know, and we could see some signs of happiness in Boo. From then on we continued to get more involved. We are currently apart of two separate classes. Shell has her women's class and I'm attending a men's class. We are joined by friends that want to learn to be better Christians, Spouses and Parents. We are each telling our own stories only to find out that we are all very similar. I have some great guys that I can learn from and strive to be a better Christian. I'm proud to say that we are regularly attending the second service. You hear God using the praise team to talk to you. You have to hear it to believe it. Now some of you will call me a hypocrite and that's ok. That just means I have a lot of work to do to change your mind. Am I perfect? No! Do I want to be? Yes! Will I get there? Only time will tell! If you don't feel the passion of God speaking to you, do something about it. I invite you to First United Methodist Church. Come experience the Power and Glory of His name.

God is speaking to you,will you listen?

"Thy Will Be Done"

"Thy will be done."  I've been struggling with this phrase since Saturday.

Thursday evening, I wrapped up with my last client for the day and slid behind the wheel of my car.  As I started my car, I slid my hand into the pocket of my computer bag and pulled out my work phone and my personal phone to check for missed calls and messages.  I had a missed call from my Mom with a voicemail.  By the time I hit the farm to market road, I was listening to my Dad's voice tell me that he had two tumors and several smaller ones and that he was having surgery on Wednesday, followed by rounds of chemo and radiation.  MY WORLD WAS ROCKED.

Since that moment, I've been praying.  Praying for healing, praying for normalcy, praying for everything under the sun.  Saturday evening as I prayed, my answer came in the form of a single phrase. . .

"Thy will be done."

This is not the answer I was looking for, but it started my thoughts down a path.

Our Father, who art in heaven
hallowed be thy Name,
thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.  

I also thought about Jesus and the Agony in the Garden.  Jesus went to Gethsemane and he prayed. . ."My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will." Matthew 26:39.

 

I want so very badly to not go down this path, to turn my back and run in the opposite direction, but my Faith says I should do otherwise.  I should stay the path and pray that God's will be done.  Whatever the outcome, I will accept that God's will, God's plan was followed.  This is my test of Faith and I fully accept what has been laid before me.

 

Please pray for my Dad and my family as we head into Wednesday and the days and weeks to come.  Pray for strength and courage to face the days ahead as we prepare for God's will to be carried out in our lives.



He is Risen!

Today is Easter Sunday.  We kept things simple and understated with the childen today, choosing to focus on the true reason for the celebration.  Jesus Christ died on the cross and then rose from the dead on the third day.  Jesus paid the ultimate price for my sins so that I may live eternally with Him in Heaven.

After church we had lunch with family and then spent the remainder of the day just hanging out at home (taking a nap).

I'm struggling with some things right now, but I'm not quite ready to put them into words.  Maybe tomorrow.

Wasteful

My children had the day off from school, so I took the day off myself to spend with them. On top of that, it was too wet for Jason to work. All of us were at home most of the day. Makenna had dance today. As I was driving through town to take her, I was confused because Candy Cane, a daycare in town, was full of children running around. Then it dawned on me that it was Monday.

I totally wasted today. Not good, Not bad, just wasted. There were so many other more productive things I could have done with the day today, but chose not to do. I'm wasting my precious seconds on wasteful things. I'm pretty down right now. I could really use some sunshine to brighten my mood. Maybe tomorrow the sun will come out.

Who is my Neighbor?

"Who is my neighbor?" This was the title of the sermon today at Church . It was a discussion of the parable in the Bible Luke 10:25-37 - The Good Samaritan. This, I believe, was God's way of telling me to keep on, I'm on the right track. The story of doing goodness of goodness sake. The story of doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do. The story of helping my neighbor in their time of need. I hear what your telling me and I'm working on making changes, one day at a time. I'm going to get a handle on my fears, I'm going to look them in the eye, and then move forward with a new found confidence. I will reach out to help others and in the process, I will help myself.

I'm an Ostrich

I really hate days like this. I've been binge eating for almost two days now. I've had my head buried, hiding away from the world and from my responsibilities, mainly because I just don't want to deal with them right now. I've spent the better part of today, sitting at my desk, trying to declutter. The trash was easy enough to deal with but all the other stuff, I just shuffled from one spot to another.

Last week, the bank made an error and subtracted Jason's deposit instead of adding it. I called them as soon as I noticed (the next day) and got that corrected. Today, I noticed that they credited me all of my overdraft fees, except $10.00. I have to call about that. I also noticed that three checks that they made marked as cleared, they then turned around and NSF'd. I have to call my hair dresser on Wednesday and find out if she got paid. One of the other checks went to our Church and the 3rd went to pay off a bank loan at another bank. Now I have to research all of these and figure out the damage.

All of this sent me in the wrong direction. I hate crap like this. It's one of the reasons why my financial life is such a mess. We talk about doing better, but don't. I just don't look at what's in the bank but then I'm afraid to spend money because I don't know how much money I have in the bank. We are always on the brink of financial disaster.

I just finished watching "The Money Class" by Suze Orman. I have that particular book also. I learned alot but have yet to act on it. My goal for this upcoming week is to look at our finances. Try to get Jason to look also and then start working on a plan. We are getting ready to start a Dave Ramsey workshop through the Church . I'm really looking forward to this. Maybe by looking at our bills and our spending now, this will put us a little ahead of the game.

On a positive note - I did donate a small bag of food to Scouting for Food with the Boyscouts and Cubscouts today. It was really sad becasue we really have no food in the pantry. I need to buy groceries. I put a can of pinto beans, a can of rotel, a can of chicken broth and a bottle of syrup. I guess it's better than nothing.

Friday Family Fun

This evening has been enjoyable. When I got home from work this evening, Jason had everything lined up to make tacos. He made homemade pico and guacamole. I LOVE it when he cooks and I don't really have to worry about what to fix for dinner. A guy and his family drove down from Amarillo and bought a trailer from Jason. The money will go toward paying down the loan we have to do some work around the house. That was a pleasant surprise.

We also played an impromptu game of Phase 10. We were all having fun and then Jason decided he didn't want to play anymore. I was so disappointed. I was winning!

Ryan kept score for us. I was blown away by his ability to add the numbers in his head. His math skills are awesome compared to mine. Math is not my strong suit but he was amazing. Even Jason was impressed. He only had to do one side calculation. All the rest were completed in his head with no help from anyone else. Of course, his handwriting could use a little help.

If you look closely, you'll see that I only had 10 points!!! Yay me!

Right now everyone is in the living room watching "Uncle Buck". The kids have seen that movie a hundred times and still they just laugh out loud as if it is the first time they are watching it. Gotta love their innocence.

Moving On, Letting Go

Some days you just have to move on and let it go. It's really hard to do. I've been stuck in a rut lately and most of it is because I refuse to let go and move on. I've tried really hard today to move on. Everytime I found myself reverting back, I'd say "LET IT GO!" Most of the time I was screaming it to myself in my head because there were people around me who would think I've finally really lost it. I've done fairly well for the most part today till this evening and then someone scheduled something for me without my permission and it just set me off on a total tirade. I've been trying to reign myself back in but this has led to a binge beyond belief - Sweet tea and Milano cookies.

Man, I'm a head case right now. I'm going to go to bed and pray about this and for the strength to be a better person or better yet, the strength to be THE better person.

Survival Mode

Today I am functioning in survival mode. I woke up at 3:30 am this morning and could not go back to sleep. At 5:00 am, when Jason's alarm went off, I got up. I worked on some paperwork and emailed in the essentials and then I just put one foot in front of the other and worked through my day.

When I pulled up in the driveway, Jason was already waiting on me so that we could pick up Ryan and Makenna from Kid's Life (an after school program hosted by our Church on Wednesdays). From there we ran over to Keever's Funeral Home to visit with one of Jason's friends whose Dad just died from Cancer. We weren't there long when Hayden called to say he was done with baseball practice. We loaded up and went and picked him up. The kids wanted to go out to eat and to be truthfully honest, so did I but with Jason's help, the temptation was resisted and we went home and had leftovers.

Jason's already done the dishes and I just finished emailing in my essential paperwork. I'm two days behind on my notes. I have to get caught up tomorrow but for tonight, I'm just going to bed.

Eating at home tonight was a small victory and I'm proud of Jason for encouraging us to do that. The money we save by eating at home is amazing.

Mental Fatigue

Happy Valentine's Day!

Valentine's is not something we really celebrate at our home. We express our LOVE with verbal exchanges, but no cards or flowers or fancy meals. It's just too much commercialism for me. I'm perfectly happy with a simple "Happy Valentine's Day, I Love You!"

I almost skipped my post this evening. I'm exhausted, mentally worn down and physically beat. I'm crawling into bed in a few minutes but I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the day. Doing the right thing is not always easy but it is something I do because it's the right thing to do. I know that sounds redundant, but it's unfortunate that their are individuals out there that only do the "right thing" when someone is looking and it's even more unfortunate that their are individuals out there that will deliberately be dishonest when others are with them. More and more lately I feel like I have to be on guard to protect myself from those that would deliberately do harm by lying and cheating.

O God, be with me. Keep me strong in the face of my enemies. Guide me down the path of righteousness, in Jesus' name, Amen.

Elizabeth

Today is the third anniversary of the death of my sister Liz. I miss her dearly. One of the things that I love so much about attending services at First United Methodist Church is the Praise Team. The songs they sing make me feel close to her. I cry frequently on Sunday's during worship because I know that she is in God's Presence and that she looks down upon us sending us her love and support from above. The songs the Praise Team sings let me know that. I also know that one day I will see her again.

What can say about Elizabeth? To know her was to love her. She was a LMSW and worked for Family First Hospice here in town. She had an infectious smile and wonderfully sweet personality. Liz loved to travel. One day, she just decided to pack her bags and move. She moved to North Carolina - the home of Dale Earnhardt, Jr. She loved NASCAR and she LOVED Jr.!!!! When Liz moved, she had no place to stay and no job. Now she did have things lined up, but nothing definite. She went with her FAITH, that this is what she should do and trusted that God would provide. All of her leads panned out and Liz landed a job working for a Hospice Agency in North Carolina and life was good for her.

I've probably romaticized this a little, memories for all the details fade after awhile. All I know is that I admired her greatly for acting on a dream and not letting her fears hold her back.

I'll never forget the early morning hours on February 14, 2009, when I awoke for no apparent reason, the car sitting on the dirt road in front of our house and then turning in the drive way, waking up Jason and him getting the shot gun and then giving it to me, Jason telling me to stay in the bedroom and to not come out, all the while me holding the gun. (As I type this, I'm smiling, it's sort of funny. What was I going to do with that shot gun? I'd never shot a gun before.) I remember Jason calling me to come from the bedroom, it was ok and seeing the Highway Patrolman standing in my living room. I don't really remember what he said. I remember doubling over as my heart ripped out of my chest and the guilt flooded in. She had not been feeling good. Jason had just made a trip to North Carolina to pick up a piece of work equipment. He asked me if I wanted to come along and I declined because of work. I had been talking to her daily on the phone, checking in with her but had last talked to her on the 12th. She was feeling better and I was relieved.

Liz was found in her bed, on February 13th, she had died in her sleep from a pulmonary embolus. The one thing that haunts me is that she spent her life, comforting others as they crossed over from this world to the world of our Heavenly Father and yet she died alone, with no one by her side. The one thing that comforts me is the thought that all those she had been with as they made their journies from this earth were there to help her from our world to theirs. This brings me peace and comfort.

I Love You Liz!

Radical Spirituality

My family and I attend church at First United Methodist Church . Today's service was about Radical Spirituality. About leaving the safety of the 4 walls of the church building and reaching out to those who really need Jesus in their lives. Rev. Murray discussed the changes that we can make in our lives and how those changes can have an impact. Something as simple as attending a financial planning workshop so that we can better manage our money and have more to give to others. Something as simple as attending a Sunday school class that teaches us how to be better wives, husbands, mothers and/or fathers. Self Improvement can change the world. By changing ourselves we can undoubtably have a positive impact on the future.

It's scary to talk about Jesus to others. I don't feel like I know enough. I'm afraid. The best I can do for now is to just lead by example and be the kind of person that is a reflection of God.

New Beginnings

Since the beginning of the year, I've been seriously considering starting a blog. I've been reading and following some bloggers for about 3 months. Then I discovered Runs for Cookies Blog on Pinterest . After reading her blog, I've convinced myself that this would be a great creative outlet for myself. I started to sign up and then discovered something that rocked my world. I already had an account and I had a single lonely post from 1/1/2007. I read that single post and was blown away. I closed my web browser and decided I wasn't ready. But the thought that I wanted to create through writing did not go away, would not go away. I'd find myself thinking about things I'd write in a blog and how cool would it be to show this picture in my blog and on and on till today, here I am.

It's only fitting that today, I start blogging. . .again.

I went back and read my previous post from 5 years ago. Yes, 5 years, my life isn't really that much different. I have not really changed that much. I know that I weigh about 20 pounds less, but everything else is the same, EXCEPT for one key factor. Liz is gone. . .

February 13th will be the 3rd anniversary of her death. Time goes so quickly. I think I initially started this blog so that I could share with her things that were happening here at home while she lived her dreams out in North Carolina. I miss her dearly and think of her often. It has not snowed this year where we are in Texas and it saddens me because snow has represented Liz since she died. It's a long story, maybe one day I'll share.

Anyway, I've decided to leave the name of my blog the same - "An Ordinary Life" This is what I live. I'm an ordinary person. I'm married to a wonderful Man and have three wonderful children who keep me on my toes. I work a full time job, manage a household to the best of my ability and go to Church on Sundays. I do this week after week. Ordinary.

I've been wondering though what happens when ordinary people set out to do extra-ordinary things. How much change can one person actually make in the world? How much change can I make in the world? I know that whatever changes I want to make, I need to start here at home with myself and my family.

This blog is about self discovery, what changes can one ordinary person make. Your welcome to join me if you want, or not. It makes no difference to me.

Display Density:

Comfortable

Cozy

Compact

Reader settings

Reader help