Broken. . . this is a word that has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks now. Broken promise, broken spirit, broken lives. So many things are broken.
I heard someone say once that it is through our brokenness that He shines through. I found that to be a very interesting statement. The idea that the Light of Christ can shine through our broken cracks and be a light to others that are broken, lost, lonely and confused.
I have been reading Tammy Gray's Winsor Series. I've read Shattered Rose and Shackled Lily. I am now reading Splintered Oak. These books are all about broken people and their transformations within Christ. It took me a little while to get into the first book. I felt guilty for reading it. I used to love reading fiction but I had convinced myself that reading fiction was such a waste of time and that I needed to focus on readings that would progress me with my knowledge of my job or that would teach me better skills.
I almost put Shattered Rose down and walked away. However, I was far enough into the book that I wanted to know how it ended. I stayed up till 2:00 am this past Saturday morning and finished the book. I couldn't put it down and I didn't want to stop reading it. While my life was so different than Avery's, I could connect on so many different levels with her.
Broken. . . it's how I feel. . you would think that at my age, I would be better put together, but I'm not. I reek of insecurity. Everyday, I go to the Lord in prayer and I ask him to make me secure in who I am. Help me to be a shining light to someone out there. Help me to be a beacon to those who are lost in the wilderness and yet, I still feel so broken.
I have this stirring inside of me to do something new and different with my life and yet I am so unsure of what that is. Jason is feeling it also. He is miserable at this job and he is longing for change. I have been praying that he finds it. I know that things have been set in motion. Decisions have been made. Many are still just unconscious thoughts in my head and in my heart but I am aware that they are there. My priorities are shifting and changes are happening. Only time will tell. . .
Maybe broken is not so bad. . .
