Wasteful

My children had the day off from school, so I took the day off myself to spend with them. On top of that, it was too wet for Jason to work. All of us were at home most of the day. Makenna had dance today. As I was driving through town to take her, I was confused because Candy Cane, a daycare in town, was full of children running around. Then it dawned on me that it was Monday.

I totally wasted today. Not good, Not bad, just wasted. There were so many other more productive things I could have done with the day today, but chose not to do. I'm wasting my precious seconds on wasteful things. I'm pretty down right now. I could really use some sunshine to brighten my mood. Maybe tomorrow the sun will come out.

Who is my Neighbor?

"Who is my neighbor?" This was the title of the sermon today at Church . It was a discussion of the parable in the Bible Luke 10:25-37 - The Good Samaritan. This, I believe, was God's way of telling me to keep on, I'm on the right track. The story of doing goodness of goodness sake. The story of doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do. The story of helping my neighbor in their time of need. I hear what your telling me and I'm working on making changes, one day at a time. I'm going to get a handle on my fears, I'm going to look them in the eye, and then move forward with a new found confidence. I will reach out to help others and in the process, I will help myself.

I'm an Ostrich

I really hate days like this. I've been binge eating for almost two days now. I've had my head buried, hiding away from the world and from my responsibilities, mainly because I just don't want to deal with them right now. I've spent the better part of today, sitting at my desk, trying to declutter. The trash was easy enough to deal with but all the other stuff, I just shuffled from one spot to another.

Last week, the bank made an error and subtracted Jason's deposit instead of adding it. I called them as soon as I noticed (the next day) and got that corrected. Today, I noticed that they credited me all of my overdraft fees, except $10.00. I have to call about that. I also noticed that three checks that they made marked as cleared, they then turned around and NSF'd. I have to call my hair dresser on Wednesday and find out if she got paid. One of the other checks went to our Church and the 3rd went to pay off a bank loan at another bank. Now I have to research all of these and figure out the damage.

All of this sent me in the wrong direction. I hate crap like this. It's one of the reasons why my financial life is such a mess. We talk about doing better, but don't. I just don't look at what's in the bank but then I'm afraid to spend money because I don't know how much money I have in the bank. We are always on the brink of financial disaster.

I just finished watching "The Money Class" by Suze Orman. I have that particular book also. I learned alot but have yet to act on it. My goal for this upcoming week is to look at our finances. Try to get Jason to look also and then start working on a plan. We are getting ready to start a Dave Ramsey workshop through the Church . I'm really looking forward to this. Maybe by looking at our bills and our spending now, this will put us a little ahead of the game.

On a positive note - I did donate a small bag of food to Scouting for Food with the Boyscouts and Cubscouts today. It was really sad becasue we really have no food in the pantry. I need to buy groceries. I put a can of pinto beans, a can of rotel, a can of chicken broth and a bottle of syrup. I guess it's better than nothing.

Friday Family Fun

This evening has been enjoyable. When I got home from work this evening, Jason had everything lined up to make tacos. He made homemade pico and guacamole. I LOVE it when he cooks and I don't really have to worry about what to fix for dinner. A guy and his family drove down from Amarillo and bought a trailer from Jason. The money will go toward paying down the loan we have to do some work around the house. That was a pleasant surprise.

We also played an impromptu game of Phase 10. We were all having fun and then Jason decided he didn't want to play anymore. I was so disappointed. I was winning!

Ryan kept score for us. I was blown away by his ability to add the numbers in his head. His math skills are awesome compared to mine. Math is not my strong suit but he was amazing. Even Jason was impressed. He only had to do one side calculation. All the rest were completed in his head with no help from anyone else. Of course, his handwriting could use a little help.

If you look closely, you'll see that I only had 10 points!!! Yay me!

Right now everyone is in the living room watching "Uncle Buck". The kids have seen that movie a hundred times and still they just laugh out loud as if it is the first time they are watching it. Gotta love their innocence.

Moving On, Letting Go

Some days you just have to move on and let it go. It's really hard to do. I've been stuck in a rut lately and most of it is because I refuse to let go and move on. I've tried really hard today to move on. Everytime I found myself reverting back, I'd say "LET IT GO!" Most of the time I was screaming it to myself in my head because there were people around me who would think I've finally really lost it. I've done fairly well for the most part today till this evening and then someone scheduled something for me without my permission and it just set me off on a total tirade. I've been trying to reign myself back in but this has led to a binge beyond belief - Sweet tea and Milano cookies.

Man, I'm a head case right now. I'm going to go to bed and pray about this and for the strength to be a better person or better yet, the strength to be THE better person.

Survival Mode

Today I am functioning in survival mode. I woke up at 3:30 am this morning and could not go back to sleep. At 5:00 am, when Jason's alarm went off, I got up. I worked on some paperwork and emailed in the essentials and then I just put one foot in front of the other and worked through my day.

When I pulled up in the driveway, Jason was already waiting on me so that we could pick up Ryan and Makenna from Kid's Life (an after school program hosted by our Church on Wednesdays). From there we ran over to Keever's Funeral Home to visit with one of Jason's friends whose Dad just died from Cancer. We weren't there long when Hayden called to say he was done with baseball practice. We loaded up and went and picked him up. The kids wanted to go out to eat and to be truthfully honest, so did I but with Jason's help, the temptation was resisted and we went home and had leftovers.

Jason's already done the dishes and I just finished emailing in my essential paperwork. I'm two days behind on my notes. I have to get caught up tomorrow but for tonight, I'm just going to bed.

Eating at home tonight was a small victory and I'm proud of Jason for encouraging us to do that. The money we save by eating at home is amazing.

Mental Fatigue

Happy Valentine's Day!

Valentine's is not something we really celebrate at our home. We express our LOVE with verbal exchanges, but no cards or flowers or fancy meals. It's just too much commercialism for me. I'm perfectly happy with a simple "Happy Valentine's Day, I Love You!"

I almost skipped my post this evening. I'm exhausted, mentally worn down and physically beat. I'm crawling into bed in a few minutes but I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the day. Doing the right thing is not always easy but it is something I do because it's the right thing to do. I know that sounds redundant, but it's unfortunate that their are individuals out there that only do the "right thing" when someone is looking and it's even more unfortunate that their are individuals out there that will deliberately be dishonest when others are with them. More and more lately I feel like I have to be on guard to protect myself from those that would deliberately do harm by lying and cheating.

O God, be with me. Keep me strong in the face of my enemies. Guide me down the path of righteousness, in Jesus' name, Amen.

Elizabeth

Today is the third anniversary of the death of my sister Liz. I miss her dearly. One of the things that I love so much about attending services at First United Methodist Church is the Praise Team. The songs they sing make me feel close to her. I cry frequently on Sunday's during worship because I know that she is in God's Presence and that she looks down upon us sending us her love and support from above. The songs the Praise Team sings let me know that. I also know that one day I will see her again.

What can say about Elizabeth? To know her was to love her. She was a LMSW and worked for Family First Hospice here in town. She had an infectious smile and wonderfully sweet personality. Liz loved to travel. One day, she just decided to pack her bags and move. She moved to North Carolina - the home of Dale Earnhardt, Jr. She loved NASCAR and she LOVED Jr.!!!! When Liz moved, she had no place to stay and no job. Now she did have things lined up, but nothing definite. She went with her FAITH, that this is what she should do and trusted that God would provide. All of her leads panned out and Liz landed a job working for a Hospice Agency in North Carolina and life was good for her.

I've probably romaticized this a little, memories for all the details fade after awhile. All I know is that I admired her greatly for acting on a dream and not letting her fears hold her back.

I'll never forget the early morning hours on February 14, 2009, when I awoke for no apparent reason, the car sitting on the dirt road in front of our house and then turning in the drive way, waking up Jason and him getting the shot gun and then giving it to me, Jason telling me to stay in the bedroom and to not come out, all the while me holding the gun. (As I type this, I'm smiling, it's sort of funny. What was I going to do with that shot gun? I'd never shot a gun before.) I remember Jason calling me to come from the bedroom, it was ok and seeing the Highway Patrolman standing in my living room. I don't really remember what he said. I remember doubling over as my heart ripped out of my chest and the guilt flooded in. She had not been feeling good. Jason had just made a trip to North Carolina to pick up a piece of work equipment. He asked me if I wanted to come along and I declined because of work. I had been talking to her daily on the phone, checking in with her but had last talked to her on the 12th. She was feeling better and I was relieved.

Liz was found in her bed, on February 13th, she had died in her sleep from a pulmonary embolus. The one thing that haunts me is that she spent her life, comforting others as they crossed over from this world to the world of our Heavenly Father and yet she died alone, with no one by her side. The one thing that comforts me is the thought that all those she had been with as they made their journies from this earth were there to help her from our world to theirs. This brings me peace and comfort.

I Love You Liz!

Radical Spirituality

My family and I attend church at First United Methodist Church . Today's service was about Radical Spirituality. About leaving the safety of the 4 walls of the church building and reaching out to those who really need Jesus in their lives. Rev. Murray discussed the changes that we can make in our lives and how those changes can have an impact. Something as simple as attending a financial planning workshop so that we can better manage our money and have more to give to others. Something as simple as attending a Sunday school class that teaches us how to be better wives, husbands, mothers and/or fathers. Self Improvement can change the world. By changing ourselves we can undoubtably have a positive impact on the future.

It's scary to talk about Jesus to others. I don't feel like I know enough. I'm afraid. The best I can do for now is to just lead by example and be the kind of person that is a reflection of God.

New Beginnings

Since the beginning of the year, I've been seriously considering starting a blog. I've been reading and following some bloggers for about 3 months. Then I discovered Runs for Cookies Blog on Pinterest . After reading her blog, I've convinced myself that this would be a great creative outlet for myself. I started to sign up and then discovered something that rocked my world. I already had an account and I had a single lonely post from 1/1/2007. I read that single post and was blown away. I closed my web browser and decided I wasn't ready. But the thought that I wanted to create through writing did not go away, would not go away. I'd find myself thinking about things I'd write in a blog and how cool would it be to show this picture in my blog and on and on till today, here I am.

It's only fitting that today, I start blogging. . .again.

I went back and read my previous post from 5 years ago. Yes, 5 years, my life isn't really that much different. I have not really changed that much. I know that I weigh about 20 pounds less, but everything else is the same, EXCEPT for one key factor. Liz is gone. . .

February 13th will be the 3rd anniversary of her death. Time goes so quickly. I think I initially started this blog so that I could share with her things that were happening here at home while she lived her dreams out in North Carolina. I miss her dearly and think of her often. It has not snowed this year where we are in Texas and it saddens me because snow has represented Liz since she died. It's a long story, maybe one day I'll share.

Anyway, I've decided to leave the name of my blog the same - "An Ordinary Life" This is what I live. I'm an ordinary person. I'm married to a wonderful Man and have three wonderful children who keep me on my toes. I work a full time job, manage a household to the best of my ability and go to Church on Sundays. I do this week after week. Ordinary.

I've been wondering though what happens when ordinary people set out to do extra-ordinary things. How much change can one person actually make in the world? How much change can I make in the world? I know that whatever changes I want to make, I need to start here at home with myself and my family.

This blog is about self discovery, what changes can one ordinary person make. Your welcome to join me if you want, or not. It makes no difference to me.

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