Broken

Broken. . . this is a word that has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks now.  Broken promise, broken spirit, broken lives.  So many things are broken.

I heard someone say once that it is through our brokenness that He shines through.  I found that to be a very interesting statement.  The idea that the Light of Christ can shine through our broken cracks and be a light to others that are broken, lost, lonely and confused.

I have been reading Tammy Gray's Winsor Series.  I've read Shattered Rose and Shackled Lily.  I am now reading Splintered Oak.  These books are all about broken people and their transformations within Christ.  It took me a little while to get into the first book.  I felt guilty for reading it.  I used to love reading fiction but I had convinced myself that reading fiction was such a waste of time and that I needed to focus on readings that would progress me with my knowledge of my job or that would teach me better skills.

I almost put Shattered Rose down and walked away.  However, I was far enough into the book that I wanted to know how it ended.  I stayed up till 2:00 am this past Saturday morning and finished the book.  I couldn't put it down and I didn't want to stop reading it.  While my life was so different than Avery's, I could connect on so many different levels with her.

Broken. . . it's how I feel. . you would think that at my age, I would be better put together, but I'm not.  I reek of insecurity.  Everyday, I go to the Lord in prayer and I ask him to make me secure in who I am.  Help me to be a shining light to someone out there.  Help me to be a beacon to those who are lost in the wilderness and yet, I still feel so broken.

I have this stirring inside of me to do something new and different with my life and yet I am so unsure of what that is.  Jason is feeling it also.  He is miserable at this job and he is longing for change.  I have been praying that he finds it.  I know that things have been set in motion.  Decisions have been made.  Many are still just unconscious thoughts in my head and in my heart but I am aware that they are there.  My priorities are shifting and changes are happening.  Only time will tell. . .

Maybe broken is not so bad. . .